1 Corinthians 1:27-31
But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
Looking back, today at age 35, I'm writing these words because God's love and mercy reach me in time. I was born and raised in a Christian household. Born to a Pentecostal pastor and a mom that dedicated most of her life to teaching Sunday children’s church. I don't remember what exact year it was that my dad decided to abandon his pastoral ministry, this event caused him to stray completely away from God. My mother did not allow my father's decision to change her passion, and she continued with her calling of teaching the bible to kids in the church and at home.
Years later they took a very difficult decision. They decided to leave Puerto Rico and move to Orlando, FL. The radical change took a toll on me. My dad, not being a Christian anymore, continued with severe rules and a pentecostal strictness in our home. I could not comprehend how that was possible, so I considered him a hypocrite. A rebellion started to grow inside of me against my parents and church. In a way, I blamed them for all the suffering and chaos ignited inside of me. It was like a bomb was building in my inside and was ready to explode at any minute.
At age 16 I started hanging with the wrong crew. At that early stage in life, I started to consume alcohol, smoke cigarettes, and even smoke weed. I went from an innocent Christian girl to a very rebellious one. My dad did not allow me to go out with my friends and for that reason, I started to escape at night through my room window. During this time I was dealing with another problem. I was overweight and suffered from low self-esteem. At the top of all the issues I was already confronting, I started with a food disorder, bulimia.
At age 17 I was introduced to cocaine. Can you imagine that combination? I drastically lost a lot of weight and my condition was worsening minute by minute. I battled for many years with an addiction to cocaine, cigarettes, and alcohol. To this day, I still carry marks on the consequences of bulimia. Looking for a way to reconnect with God, I visited many churches. God spoke to me through a lot of pastors and ministers. I used to commit for a while but shortly after I will find my way back to my old habits. Sometimes they got worse. I was tormented, I felt unworthy to be called a daughter of God. I was always settling for way less than I deserved. I was punishing myself. I was trying to fill a void jumping from club to club. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict. I tried to commit suicide, I was so desperate! I had a lot of high points and low points in life. In reality, I put myself through all that pain and suffering because I closed my ears to God's voice. I was not susceptible to hear Him. I allow the enemy to bond me to addictions and sin because I refuse to run to God.
In August 2018, being a wife and mother of 3 kids, I decided to break all curse and all sin that kept me bondage for years. I got tired of being a clown. To be a happy and smiley woman in front of people, to come home to a nearly destroyed marriage and a depression that I have been carrying for many years. I was trying to get out the hole I caved myself in. I remember visiting a psychiatrist to treat my anxiety and depression. I went to a follow-up visit and the doctor determine to give me a higher dose than the one I was taking. I went home extremely sad.
That night, my husband invited me to a campaign in a local church here in Orlando, FL. The title of the sermon was "Airplane Mode" referring to how we decided to ignore God's voice and we block Him from our lives. At the end of his message, the preacher made a calling and started to name all the things that I was chained to spiritually. All of a sudden he said: There is a person here that was prescribed a higher dose for depression medication, but God is going to HEAL YOU! WOW! I knew he was talking to me. I couldn't believe that God still loved me and that in his everlasting love, He will heal me.
Since that day, I gave my life and heart to God once again, this time with the conviction of never turning back! Never is too late to change. God is still waiting for his children! Today I enjoy a wonderful marriage. My kids can breathe peace inside our home. God restored my home and He restored me! Today, I only remember my past to help other women with my testimony. Soon I will share more details about my past and all the time God protected me from death. I will share my tools to overcome addictions and how to be free of the bondage of the enemy. We live day by day hoping for a time for God to call upon us, if only you knew he already did that is why you are reading this.
God is faithful and his Mercy lasts forever! If he did it with me, He can do it for you too! My beautiful Leah, God has a plan for your life. Even if you strayed away, His love for you is still the same. God is waiting for you to restore you and heal you.
God bless you!
