If I speak about my life, I can truly say it is has been a good one. I'm privileged in many areas. I was raised in a household where both parents were present. I never went to bed hungry and always had a roof over my head. Even during my adult life, I had my parents' support which made my life, to a certain degree, a very easy one. Even as a single mom, I have been able to raise my kids and provide all their needs. In one area, the story is a little different and not very successful, my love life.
Now that I can look back into my life and past relationships, I can understand a few reasons why. When we go from failure to failure is easy to notice the common factor... ME! That doesn't mean I was the bad or toxic one. It means that, in the past, I did not pay close attention to certain things that are essential when we are looking for a soulmate. I'm going to share with you what I have learned in my love journey.
The first reason we end up with the wrong person is ignoring the red flags. One thing I'm sure of is, that an alarm always goes off when that person is not the right one for you. The problem is that most of the time, we noticed them after we already have invested time in the relationship. That triggers us to choose to continue, in hopes things will change for the better. We heard a thousand times that we can't change other people but ironically when it comes to love, we have the tendency to believe we are the exception to the rule. Once things turned to the worst, we look back and realize the signs were there all along to let us know but we chose to ignore them.
Another reason and this is a bad one, is that we are worried about other people's opinion. Personally, I have stayed in relationships that were doing me no good, just because I didn't want to deal with people telling me: Single again? How foolish that was from my part. When I look in retrospect I tell myself: Oh well, what a way of wasting your time! Do not allow yourself to stay in a relationship that is not doing you any good. A soulmate should be someone to hold your hand through this journey we call life. We don't need a person to fill a vacant with a title to show the world how successful our love life is.
The reason that I feel is the culprit of all of my failures is to be unequally yoked. When I understood that being unequally yoked means much more than a religious denomination, and it is, in fact, a lot of things that are more profound than that, I realized why I chose to ignore certain qualities of the people I dated and the reason I have failed so many times.
The heart is deceitful. Jeremiah 17: 9 says: The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? When it comes to love issues, we can not blindly follow our hearts. Even the bible tells us the heart is not to be trusted. We have to give room for our reasoning. Do not feel you are high maintenance because you want some qualities in the person you will share your life with. Also, do not feel bad for walking away from places you already know, happiness is not to be found. Many moons ago, I ended a relationship, and people around thought I was losing my mind! Everybody's opinion was that I made a mistake and will eventually regret it. Well, I never did. I'm sure I took the right decision and today, I can see that he is a happy man.
Somewhere along the road, I forgot those convictions about love and just for me not to feel alone, anyone that will show crumbs of interest will be enough for me to give it a try. When I noticed the red flags, I convinced myself that in the end, things were going to work out. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Now I know that my first step before even considering a relationship with somebody is going before God with the situation. Now I pray to God to show me if that person is right for me and to guide me through it. I pray to be able to see the red flags, and when I noticed something is not in sync with my desires, to be strong enough to let it go. I need to remind myself that a relationship can make you bloom or it can destroy you. I need to choose wisely!
Communication is key to heart matters. Since day one, we should make a priority to express how we feel and what we want. There is not a better way to know someone's heart that with time spend and communication. Do not feel uncomfortable expressing your desires and what you expect from a relationship. Don't feel your expectations are too high for being so upfront since day one. We all want to walk by someone that knows what he wants and before you start walking together, it is your right to be sure you both are facing the same direction. Nothing is more difficult than to start a walk with someone that is 100 steps behind you. Someone that doesn't share the same dreams, the same purpose, someone you can not picture yourself growing old with. You need a person that supports you and lift you up when needed. Someone that does not forget the little details that keep love afloat.
A life partner should be a compliment. If that person is not in the picture yet, RELAX! Everything happens in God's perfect timing! Make sure you are taking this time to work on yourself and heal. Analyze past relationships and take notes of things you don't want to have to deal with never again. Be straight forward since the beginning about your goals and desires for the relationship and most importantly, check with God first. Trust me, once you are ready, it won't be long for that person to show up in your life.
Father
I pray for my single Leahs today. I pray for them to use this transition time to connect with you and heal from the past. I pray that today they start working with their emotions for them to be ready for that special person you already have in store for them. I pray that next time they will find the perfect partner and will be able to enjoy love the right way. That they learn to trust you when love shows in their life once again. Amen!
