I want nothing more than telling you that no one will ever hurt you, no one will ever break your heart, or you will never suffer as a result of someone else's actions. But I can not. Eventually, we all go through a moment of pain.
In my personal life, I have been through different types of pain. The inevitable pain that comes with the loss of someone you love, the physical loss due to illness that leads to death, an accident, or any unexpected sudden occurrence. A pain that squeezes your chest, and we sink into a pain never experienced before. That pain does not go away, but we learn to live with it because there's nothing else we can do. The person has already left this earth, and we have to learn to live with their absence. We may become angry and even depressed, but eventually, we realize that life goes on, that it was God's will, and we begin to heal, silencing that pain to the point that we move on with our lives. It doesn't stop hurting, but we learn to manage that emotion.
But there is the kind of pain caused by someone we love, infidelity, abandonment, a rejection, or a betrayal to our trust. An accurate blow to our emotions by people we thought was incapable of hurting us. In the blink of an eye, our lives change, and we are alone, with an open bleeding wound and a thousand doubts. I want to talk about that pain today.
I've said it before, but I've never been fortunate when it comes to love. I have suffered enough because of it. Nothing leaves a more significant void than the person with whom you have envisioned a future or a "happily ever after," overnight fools you, packs their stuff, slams the door, and goes away. Then shortly after, you see them happy holding someone else's hand. Doing all the things you planned for both of you with somebody else. That the person you considered part of you, becomes a stranger from one day to another, and nothing you say or do, change their minds. Or a friend decides the friendship is over and starts sharing your secrets with everyone else, disrespecting your privacy and damaging your reputation. A business partner in whom you trust, all of a sudden, walks away stealing your ideas. And this type of pain eventually grows into resentment. This kind of pain is dangerous, and I explain why.
We all suffer at some point because of someone else's actions. The action that causes the damage is out of your control, but how you handle that pain is up to you, and you alone. An emotion that is not processed and is not given its time of mourning is an emotion that turns into bitterness. The pain has already come into your life uninvited, but the decisions you make about handling that pain will determine how long it will stay and how long the process will last.
My way of dealing with my pain is to face it. Once I'm hurt, I look for a way to process that feeling. I always go to music. If I am sad, I listen to sad songs. If I am angry, I listen to songs of spite. Why? Because while I hear these songs, I allow myself to feel that pain in the depths of my being, I cry, I sing, I scream, I believe that in one way or another I let off steam, gradually allowing that pain to leave me. I watch romantic movies despite being heartbroken. They make me feel that life will eventually give me another chance to be happy. I spend sleepless nights thinking and reviewing where the error might have been. I do it for a while, but one day I say: No more! I have dedicated enough time to this pain, and it is time to let go and move on.
Why do I put an expiration date on that pain? Because if you don't, sorrow turns to bitterness and bitterness in unforgiveness. Unforgiveness gnaws at you from within and is a weapon the enemy uses against you. How many times do you think: I did nothing wrong! He/she should apologize for the actions. Pride gets in the way of forgiveness, causing more harm than necessary. In 2 Corinthians 2: 5 - 8, in a letter to the Corinthian church, Paul calls to forgiveness. Apparently, X person offends Paul, and everyone else elbowed him. But Paul writes to them urging them to forgive. In those verses, Paul says: If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. Forgive? Comfort him? Reaffirm your love for him? Yes, you read that well. Pablo calls to love despite of the damage. Forgiveness frees both parties from the conflict. Release the offender from guilt and free you from bitterness. The enemy uses your pride to increase feelings of hatred, thus fostering unforgiveness. If the enemy manages to convince you that you do not need to forgive, you sink into that negative feeling yourself and only think of the offender paying for what he did. Confucius wrote a phrase loaded with great truth: "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." Unforgiveness hurts you as much or even more than the offender.
Jesus, on the cross, just before dying, said to the Father: Forgive them because they do not know what they are doing. It is worth mentioning that these words come out of his mouth after being humiliated, beaten, spit, and crucified. I ask you: Is the offense towards you of that magnitude? If instead of cursing and wishing them evil, Jesus forgave his offenders to give you eternal life, why, for your good, don't you learn to do the same?
Forgive. Please do not do it only for the offender, forgive mainly because of you, For your good. Trust in God. That pain caused is part of your story. It will make you grow, learn, and be a better human being. Pass the test of forgiveness. With this, I do not say as soon they offend you, you will run and forgive them. Process your pain. Experience it. Cry. Shouts. Take the frustration out of your chest. Understand that it is part of your process as a Christian and human being to go through moments of brokenness. Give yourself time to heal. But remember, the hurt is a stop on the road, not a station to stay.
Process your pain and get up again with a new vision, a new perspective, and a further north. Go in the direction in which God will guide your steps. Use your experience to teach others, learn how to avoid making the same mistakes. Take ownership of the lesson learned so that tomorrow you can make decisions wisely. Use that previous pain as a reference point of the place where you do not want to find yourself again.
Below I share with you some verses from the Bible that teach us about forgiveness.
Ephesians 4: 31-32: Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Romans 12: 19-21: Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Ephesians 4: 26-27: In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Be Blessed!
