When I think about healthy boundaries, fences come to mind. Fences are built to separate. We build fences to mark our territory, to separate our neighbor’s yard from ours.
I have come to the realization that some Christians struggle with healthy boundaries. Sometimes that feeling of sacrifice makes us feel we have to be available at all times. The Bible talks about forgiveness, loving our neighbors, and even turning our other cheek. But sometimes we overlook that we can forgive and still set healthy boundaries. When I made a reference to the fence, take into consideration that a fence still allows you to view outside your perimeter, but it also has a gate that allows you to grant access to people you want in your life into your environment. We are not building walls that are more definite and harsh.
A few years ago, I realized I was lacking boundaries that were making me feel unhappy and drained. I came to the realization that something needed to change for the good of my mental health. At that point, I started to notice which people, places, or situations were affecting me, and I started to create boundaries accordingly.
We can love, support, and forgive those who hurt us and still be able to set boundaries that will avoid a repeated offense. We can allow full access, partial access, or no access to protect our peace of mind.
Stepping back and taking time for yourself is also a healthy boundary. Sometimes we need to recharge, spend time with ourselves, to set our priorities. There is no need to feel guilty or selfish for doing such.
One of the Bible stories that makes me feel that it is okay to separate ourselves and step back when we feel it is necessary is when Jesus found out about the passing of John the Baptist. The Bible says in Matthew 14:13: When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Jesus shows us the importance of taking time for ourselves and processing our emotions. He determined that, at that specific moment, he needed to be alone. He also retreats to pray, prioritizing his personal time with God.
Creating healthy boundaries should be of great importance for all of us. Allowing ourselves to put our minds and hearts together when we feel it is needed should be a priority for us. Feeling the need to be available to everyone, including those causing us harm, is a piece of clear evidence that we lack boundaries. Take the time to analyze what areas need your attention. Don’t feel bad about making decisions that only benefit you at the moment. Sometimes we need to put ourselves together before we can pour into other people’s cups.
Meditate on this. Pray about it. If you feel that you are lacking boundaries, take a little time for yourself and determine where those boundaries are needed. Prioritize your mental health so you can be as effective as you can be to minister to other people’s lives. Trust me, when those boundaries are in place, you will feel completely different and regenerated. We can love from near and from afar. Don’t lose yourself to please others. Get your boundaries in place!
