This article was not scheduled but I felt the need to write it, just in case you are going through darker days.
For the last few months, I had been battling discouragement, sadness, not feeling that I am in the place where I should be and I have even felt a bit of depression. I have noticed that instead of getting closer to God, I was running away from Him; as if I felt that He was not able to help me. I felt that my self-reliance would eventually pull me out of the dark.
Fall always comes loaded with nostalgia and memories. Those memories weigh heavily, which causes that every year, around this time, sadness feels like an avoidable feeling. Recently, an event occurred that is beyond my control and I had no choice but to lower my guard and say: God, I recognize that without you I can not: take control. I’m going to stop pretending I can handle everything and let you do what You can only do.
I’m not exaggerating when I say that everyone, at some point, feels that they can do everything by themselves. Sometimes we feel we don't need anyone, not even God. Although it is common, it is quite dangerous to stay in that position too long. I have always identified myself as a strong and independent woman. Therefore, moments when I do not have full control of a situation, lead me to a state of frustration and despair. But God, during the turmoil, has been speaking to my heart, whispering to me to trust again and leave everything in His hands.
Looking back, at this moment where I have put a stop to all the noise in my mind, I can see where I lost the north. I forgot who I am, who is with me and does not let me go, I put my heart, I gave my time, my energy to things and people that could not hold it. I gave the place of God to something so mundane and so short-lived, something that does not have and will never have the power to give me peace, to calm my overacting soul. Sometimes transitory things become idols in our daily lives. Jackie Hill Perry said: “Idolatry is when you give anything other than God your functional trust. Its simply looking for anything to be what it cannot be. Idolatry is looking for anything to be God for you.” Acknowledging that I was putting things before God is not something I am proud of but is something I can learn from. I feel that God has put me in a position where I have no choice but to surrender my will and fulfill his, and even though I feel that I am failing him, I am grateful for the privilege that He gives me to correct my error and turn back to Him.
Life is tough and it often puts us to the test. In a world where everyone seeks their own good, having God as a priority becomes a necessity. In our imperfection, in our emotions and feelings, sometimes we forget that God is the same as yesterday and nothing changes the love He feels for us. When you feel out of focus and lost, take a minute and remember all the times when you have felt that you can’t continue, that your situation is too out of your control and God has come to pick you up when you least expected it. Remember how many times your sadness turned into joy, how many times your cry turned into laughter. Nothing lasts forever, the pain of the moment is temporary. Rest in God.
If you are in a difficult moment and you feel that you have left God aside, I know how difficult it feels to give up control again in middle of uncertainty, but I assure you that trying to control everything and live under your strength is a waste of time and energy. God is sovereign and knows your present as your future and I can assure you that there is no safer place than to rest in Him.
